


gray sanity

by MurderousMirages



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Clarke Griffin & John Murphy Friendship, Doctor Clarke Griffin, Established Relationship, How Do I Tag, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Soulmates, but being a boss ass bitch while having soulmate shit, just clarke having friends
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-20
Updated: 2020-04-20
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:46:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23744773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MurderousMirages/pseuds/MurderousMirages
Summary: Clarke Griffin has always been able to see numbers above people's heads. Only later does she realize that the numbers mean something more, its a clock that counts down the when that person's soulmate dies. She lives with the fact that, despite her position as a general surgeon she cannot do anything about the deaths that she knows but cannot stop. When her friends eventually find out, she's got no one that she knows will understand but Bellamy Blake.
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin, Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Emori/John Murphy (The 100), Eric Jackson/Nathan Miller, Jasper Jordan/Maya Vie, Monty Green/Harper McIntyre, Octavia Blake/Lincoln, Raven Reyes/Kyle Wick
Comments: 4
Kudos: 17





	gray sanity

**Author's Note:**

  * For [rawdudebro](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rawdudebro/gifts).



> special thanks to my new friend I guess, rawdudebro for editing this first chapter and being super cool with my rambling and letting me bounce ideas off her. I really wanted to make her a co-creator but ao3 was like nope. also this is my first fic, so constructive criticism ALWAYS appreciated. any grammar errors please tell me. uh, any questions or stuff please ask. thank you and good day, night, or whenever.

“This is all your fault.” She glared at him, her blonde hair obscuring his tan skin and brown locks from her view. “If you just left me alone, we could have won!” This time he can't walk away from her.

  
It's a Friday at a park on the other side of the city where she works. Being stuck with one of the most arrogant but brilliant men she knows is a kick in her ass on her strategy. It's Capture the Flag with the most uneven teams that she would like to say, have ever been recorded in history.

  
"It is not my fault that you cannot keep up with the players Princess. Get your head in the game -"

  
"But her heart's in the song." She hears Jasper shout from their flag's post.

  
"I can keep track! You are the one that pushed- no- shoved me into Raven. And guess what? A penalty! You wanna talk?"  
"Yeah, I do."

  
"Keep talking shit and see what happens."

  
"What the hell are you going to do from there."

  
"Don't act like you're better than me. I scored last time, and what did you do?"

  
"Scored just the same as you Princess. Seems we're both equally shitty."

  
"Bellamy if you don't shut up! I will beat you with a pan while you sleep." A brunette with arched brows and a grass stain on her cheek, looks menacingly at him. Jaw locked, in a promise that if he doesn't she will, in fact, leave him with bruises to suggest a controversial act. She shouts from where she is with Jasper, twirling around the flag.

  
Clarke is staring up at him, her eyes calculating and with his jaw like his sister, she sees him scowl and step back.  
"After you."

  
Clarke steps past him and to her team, their team, but really it's her team. She doesn't need a co-captain. Even though Bellamy practically inserts himself into everyone of her plans. On the other side of the soccer field, where her team, the red team is stationed. They look like fools. Clarke is trying to help them win so they don't have to pay for beer next time. She really doesn't want to deal with their bullshit after, when they've lost.

  
"Hey so like," Maya interjects, "I guess the Blue Team wins?"

  
"Hell yes!" Raven screams hugging Emori.

  
"I mean Clarke's team did do pretty good." Monty points out.

  
It's in moments like this that Clarke feels lost. It's when she looks at her friends and she's smiling at their smiles and she looks too long at them and sees the numbers. The clocks make her want to stop the world. If she looks hard enough, staring at the figures embracing as though they've known each forever. She sees a clock above their heads. So silent and ticking but with each passing number she feels her heart drop. Knowing that there is nothing that she can do to stop the deaths that occur at each deadline. Each 0:00 a piece that fights her for her sleep.

  
"Suck it! You just can't beat me, I'm that awesome." Raven shouts, sticking her tongue out.

  
"Next time get us Bud Light, no one likes Coors." says Miller already on his phone, staring at what Clarke would assume to be a text from his boyfriend.

  
"I like Coors." mutters Bellamy and Miller rolls his eyes.

"Look, I told him to get Bud Light, but he doesn't listen." She pointedly stares at him. "This is a perfect example for why you should listen to me."

  
And when Miller says he's got to leave then Jasper makes a joke about him "finally getting it" in the most childish way possible. Clarke remembers to forget things that shouldn't matter, but then again, just because they shouldn't matter doesn't mean that she doesn't care.

  
"Clarke, are you ready to go home?"

  
"Yeah, I'm just going to ask Octavia if she could bring our blanket back." On top of being her co-captain, he is her roommate, and has been since the end of her senior year of college.

  
Moving in with Bellamy was exactly like a roller coaster, cheesy analogy but one that fits perfectly. The first three months felt like hell, the whole house was freezing. Like the AC was running everyday, and in Texas? But it wasn't like Clarke was going to complain. She had a perfectly fine roommate who was willing to cut her some slack with rent, every once in a while. Give her space to do her work and never made a mess that bothered her. One day they all went out, her, Bellamy, the ladies and The Goonies. The biggest shock of her life. During the entire car ride and for those three months it was silent, and having only passing conversations with Bellamy. Only to avoid the argument that happened the first time that they met. But at the park, where Harper brought sandwiches and Raven with sparkling juice, opened a dam that worked on a clock. Like the same clocks she hated. But then three months later the same shit again.

  
Despite the game being held in a soccer field that makes Clarke want to invest in a golf cart, she finds Jasper and Octavia running in circles, while Monty times them, and as amusing as it is she doesn't want to be the one they call after they're throwing up.

  
"If you call me later I will, and I promise I will, tell Octavia the moonshine recipe."

That stops them, and while Jasper is frozen in his place with worrying eyes with a small crowd, consisting of Maya, Harper, The Goonies and a wandering Murphy.

  
Clake takes this opportunity to drag Octavia to the side, "Do you have my blanket with you?"

  
Her brown eyes light up in surprise, "Yeah actually I think I have it in the car."

  
It's on the walk to her car that Clarke gets time to see the numbers hovering above the younger girl's head. She feels sick. It's not often that Clarke takes time to look at when her friend's soulmate would die. While at her job a general surgeon lets her see death nearly every week, being close to something that she ultimately has no control over makes her relieve memories that she would rather stay down.

  
"Here!" Octavia produces a blanket that has the classic Starry Night painting printed on it, and the numbers thankfully disappear.

Taking a quick breath in, "Thanks."

  
"Ya know Lincoln and I are going to Piedmont Ridge next weekend to hike."

  
"Yes."

  
"You have to come."

  
"Octavia, I have late shifts at least twice next week." She doesn't want to hike tired, aside from the obvious reasons, she much rather be home when the numbers run through her head.

  
"Consider." She says with a knowing smile.

  
When Clarke turns around there's Bellamy with his silver Land Rover. She can remember the day he bought it, how long he had been saving up for it. How many jobs he worked before he finally landed that teaching position at UT. When he got it, how happy he looked, just like a child on Christmas. She silently laughs when she remembers when he wouldn't let her get Starbucks, "to preserve that new car smell" he said.

"Get in Princess, I don't have all day."

  
"Fuck you Bell." She says hoisting herself up. Throwing the blanket in the backseat over their bags. Settling into her seat, and picking up her water bottle from where it sits next to his, and under the three Norah Jones CDs that he owns.

  
"Come on, do act like you don't want to." He says taking his eyes off the road. She'll kill him. A galaxy of freckles stretch across his smile.

  
"You're right I do." She grins right at him, "Oh baby. What could I do without you?" Clarke adds an extra moan.

  
"Crash and burn."

  
"Oh babe." fluttering her lashes she places an arm on his pec, and she doesn't care how hard it is. She just admires those willing to take the time out of their day and use it to work out. The dedication.

  
"Later." He promises, giving one last grin before turning into their street.

  
Laughing she picks up her suddenly ringing phone. Lexa, the contact reads, and the profile pic, last summer at the beach. Both of them under an umbrella locking lips, taken by the professional artist in their group, Lincoln.

  
Clake remembers when she first met Lexa. It was at a conference, on expanding the budget for Clarke's hospital. Lexa was the one that said that the State should give more funding. More funding equalled more lives saved, she said, and at her position as Mayor. The youngest mayor in fifty years. She had a lot of sway, and Clarke, a brand new surgeon. Meant to keep quiet, only there because her boss was going into labor, and she was apparently the next best thing. But when she told Diyoza that, yes, she, fresh out of her internship, sleep deprived, broke got the budget expanded. The genuine smile that Diyoza gives her makes up for the long hours spent in a freezing conference room with a bunch of assholes. It did help that afterwards Lexa praised her speech and asked her out for coffee. Well she actually said, "let's strategize on helping our people over a cup of coffee" but either way it was a date.

  
Fast forward to about a year later, still living busy lives, sometimes facing some backlash for things she can't control because of Lexa. Honestly, if Clarke didn't love her so much she would have given up long ago. Sure their relationship had lots of tumbles in the beginning but Clarke would like to think that things have gotten better and will continue, but sometimes she doesn't know what to think.

  
"Hey." Clake says, still smiling.

  
"Hey so I'm going to have to cancel." Lexa's voice trails off. Clarke can tell she's biting her lip.

  
"You promised me."

  
"I know. Things come up, you get it."

  
"Just because I understand doesn't mean that you can keep using that as an excuse."

  
"These things are unpredictable sometimes."

  
"Lexa," Clarke's smile is gone. "You can reschedule, you said it yourself, because these meetings are unpredictable they'll accept it."

  
"Babe-"

  
"Please try and make dinner. I got us a reservation and everything."

  
"I'll try."

  
"Thank you." She hangs up with a sigh.

  
"Troubles?"

  
"How's your dating life?" She quips.

  
"Perfectly fine I'll have you know."

  
She laughs when they pull into the apartment complex, heaving the bags out of the car and onto the ground, and Bellamy reaches for one, "Just get the drinks." Rolling her eyes.

  
Thank god the garage is underground, that means elevators.

  
Hitting the 5th floor button he asks, "Seriously though, is everything ok."

  
"Nothing is ok, things are just improving."

"Doesn't sound like it."

  
"Did I ask for your opinion." he goes quiet. "Bellamy this is my relationship, I don't need your advice."

  
"Considering your last one-" Nothing he does lasts long.

  
"Fuck you."

  
The elevator bings and she stomps out.

  
"Princess! I'm just saying," curse Bellamy, curse Lexa, curse Finn.

  
"I don't care. When I need help pissing my girlfriend off I'll ask you."

  
"Funny."

  
Glaring at him while he opens the door, balancing the water bottles. She shoves her way in, kicking off her shoes and dropping her duffel and his backpack by the door.

"I've got papers in there."  
"Yeah?" She's already making her way over to the couch. Sinking into the soft cushions, closing her eyes.

  
"Move over." He sits on her legs when she refuses to move them.

  
"Ugh, fine." but she's grinning.

  
The thing with Bellamy Blake is not the assholerly that he so greatly projects, the infuriating way that he seems to do everything with or the way he makes her perfectly crazy. It's the fact that no matter how long she stares at him there is no shadow that hovers over his head. The issue becomes that because there is no shadow he seems like a gift to her. She would stare at him forever if she could, because he is bliss. She would find the array of freckles stashed all over his body, she would see the curls that flop down on his head and his smile, just the way he looks at her makes her curious.

  
"You're doing that weird stare thing."

  
"Oh ok. I'm getting food, any requests?" she says reaching for her phone.

  
He shakes his head and after some deliberation she decides that he's just going to end up eating her food, so she makes a show of asking him what he wants off the menu at Backyard Burger.

  
"Fries and a milkshake." She gets herself a Chipotle Burger.


End file.
